


What you don’t know

by Kashichan



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha Katsuki Yuuri, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bottom Victor Nikiforov, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Knotting, Love, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Miscommunication, Mpreg, Omega Victor Nikiforov, Original Character(s), Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky - Freeform, Post-Canon, Rough Sex, Top Katsuki Yuuri, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-02-17 02:10:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kashichan/pseuds/Kashichan
Summary: “When they bonded they had shared a silent promise of the future. But what did it hold? Did they dream of the same future? Victor didn’t even know what he wanted. What did he wish for?”Victor and Yuuri enter the next stage of their relationship.





	1. What you don’t know

**Author's Note:**

> I think this world needs more Omega!Victor, so here is my contribution. I plan on updating once a week. I hope you Enjoy.
> 
> Thanks to my friend Paty who always inspires and motivates me to get my shit together.

Yuuri had been part of the Russian training sessions for two seasons now. The second had ended just recently. With gold at Japanese nationals and silver at four continents under his belt he wasn’t too sad that he wrecked the GPF. Also placing second at Worlds filled him with more satisfaction than dread. And how could it not? Losing at Worlds to his favourite person in the whole wide world gave him just the right amount of motivation he needed to try harder every day. Maybe also that Victor was never short on criticism. 

Yuuri was truly grateful for the opportunity to train in Russia. Not only to have Victor as his coach but also with Yakov right in his reach. Though he was not training under Yakov per se, the well experienced coach had grown quite fond of Victor’s prodigy.

Since Yakov found Yuuri’s real coach was an airhead par excellence, he offered his advice every now and then to the Japanese skater. In return Yuuri often helped at the rink during the training sessions of Yakov's youngest bunch. Truth to be told, Yakov's training methods weren't working for all of them. Getting the younger kids in line seemed to be quite a task for the old man these days. But then again, some of his older students were a lot unrulier than this bunch of four-year old’s ever could be. 

Today was one of those days when nothing seemed to go right. First Alexei ripped one of his laces, then Katja and Natasha fell over each other, followed up by Natasha throwing a huge fit and bawling her eyes out. Yakov just palmed his already bald head and groaned. He was getting too old for this. Not so gentle he pulled the girls to their feet and looked at them in the Yakov fashioned way, resulting in Natasha crying even more. 

Yuuri chuckled softly. Yakov was a stern man at first glance. Since Natasha was fairly new, she was not used to his antics yet as it seemed. Yuuri scooped the crying girl into his arms and swayed her just like his mom used to when he had a bad fall. The shock was always bigger than the actual hurt. He smiled at her, brushed the tears out of her eyes and cooed softly, releasing a calming scent that engulfed the two of them. Natasha eventually stopped crying, captivated by Yuuri's soothing voice and gentle presence. He surely was an exceptional alpha. 

Victor usually enjoyed watching Yuuri with the kids. Today was different, today he was aware. Aware of that slight ache, a dull pain oh so softly in his chest, taking – no stealing – the air from his lungs. For what? He did not know. His chest was tight. He felt the urge to unbutton his jacket and open up the collar of his shirt. Drawing in deep breaths he felt himself waver. Why now? 

He loved his Yuuri, he really did. He loved him so much that he was sure he could never love anyone else ever the same way. Still, he wasn’t giving him everything he had. He knew it deep in his heart of hearts. It were moments like these that confronted him with his own limits. 

And that was it. Simple and yet complex. He was denying his mate, his alpha, his Yuuri the one thing that society proclaimed was his sole purpose as an omega. Or was it? No, it wasn’t, it couldn’t be. Not for Yuuri. He knew he loved him beyond roles, beyond Expectations – still, those thoughts, already old fashioned and antique, sat in some hidden corner of his head. He could never really get rid of them. They were burned into his mind, running in his blood.

Obligations, duties. Providing what omegas had to provide, accepting, what they had to accept, acting the way it was expected. But he wasn’t simply that omega. 

When he was younger, almost still a child that had freshly presented, his mother kept going on about how important it was to stay fit and beautiful for his alpha; how all the ballet would keep him in shape and flexible for later on, teach him to move elegant and make his alpha proud. What a farce, he had thought. This charade couldn’t be the meaning of his existence. He had known there was more, had to be. Still he had put up with it, believing in the necessity, in the meaning his mother put into it.

His mother kept on urging him to attend etiquette training and social events, everything to make sure he met all the expectations people had for an omega like him coming from rang and money. Though times had changed from when his mother was coming of age, she was not naïve to think the world had turned 180 since then. She knew equality was just a pretty word. Victor needed to be prepared and she would give it her all to make sure of it. This was something only she could do as his mother and a fellow omega.

The ice-skating always seemed to interfere with her plans and it took Victor quite some effort to protect this little piece of freedom and serenity. At first his mother refused to recognise his skating skills, but when she first saw him competing at regionals, she couldn’t stop herself from crying. Up until then she never had witnessed anything more beautiful and expressive. 

For the first time in Victor’s life, she finally let him do the talking and just listened quietly. Victor had skated his heart out in front of her and all of Russia. His story started uncertain, fragile, but with time turned into a strong, powerful storm. He seemed unstoppable, invincible even. His mother understood what Victor tried to tell her all along just by watching him skate. There were lessons to be learned and mistakes to be made but he would be okay, eventually.  
From that day on she never spoke to him about quitting the ice ever again. He would never forget the look in her eyes. For the first time, it was all about him.

They had a difficult relationship. His mother was the personification of an omega he never wanted to become. Just living for her husband’s sake, only existing for her children and grandchildren. He admired her for fighting her very own battle every day but he also wanted to distance himself from her picture perfect of a traditional omega. 

Victor used to be so furious with her and all her antics that there were times when he even refused to ever be with an alpha at all just to pay her back. He wanted to make clear that he was not somebody’s property and never wanted to become a doll with strings attached. He was wild and free and the ice his only love. His attitude made his mother shake in anger more than once. He liked to laugh it off, but it hit something in him he could not explain. Offering himself to another person in that way, he could not, he had thought.  
He felt that giving into his role as an omega would mean giving up, losing himself and becoming something he hated. At least that was what he was afraid of. 

When he finally fell in love, he fell hard. Yuuri came crashing down like a summer storm, first gentle drops turning into a raging monsoon. Flooding his world, pulling him into the currents. He was drowning and yet felt more alive than ever. 

Yuuri was the first person that really made him feel special for himself. Not for being Victor Nikiforov, the living legend, not for being an omega. Just for being himself. He was lucky, more than he ever had hoped for. With Yuuri he could be anything he wanted to be and more. 

Medals or secondary genders didn’t matter. They fell in love with each other, not with their genders. Back then it never seemed important. Whatever the other was didn’t define them. 

Both always had used strong scent blockers and suppressants like any athlete would during competitive season. They didn't even know about the other for a long time. Out of sheer curiosity Victor tried to elicit the secondary from Yuuri every now and then, just playful, never pressing the issue.

Yuuri was not too eager to reveal his status as alpha for the same reason Victor didn’t like to advertise his status as omega. He didn't want to be judged by it. Even worse, he was afraid that if Victor would have known from the very beginning, he might have been disappointed by Yuuri in the end, being quite an untypical alpha. Not strong or dominant enough, way too soft on the inside as well as on the outside. Little did he know that Victor didn't give anything about gender stereotypes at all.

Still, the moment Victor found out that his sweet Yuuri was indeed an alpha made his heart flutter. The Japanese skater was truly full of surprises. Excitement, fear, curiosity altogether shook Victor’s very core. Deep inside he maybe had suspected Yuuri to be a beta, way less of a threat to the world he had created for himself. After the revelation he knew everything was about to change. But he had been ready for it, hadn’t he?  
He never had been with an alpha before. Would he lose it all? He already had known the answer. After what they had been through it was easy for Victor to place all his faith into Yuuri. He had wanted to show him how much he trusted him. And what would have been more enticing than giving himself to Yuuri?

When they decided to come off suppressant and finally spent their most intimate moments together, everything fell into place. Victor had lost himself, but only to be found again by Yuuri.

At last, Victor started to understand what it meant to be with that one person that completed you perfectly in any way possible.

Why did it still feel like he was holding back? When they bonded they had shared a silent promise of the future. But what did it hold? Did they dream of the same future? Victor didn’t even know what he wanted. What did he wish for? He paused. The tipper tapper of little feet came to mind first. It was an easy thought that made him uneasy. Now wasn’t the time. Maybe there would never be a time. He didn’t feel the way he thought omegas were supposed to feel. He would never feel like a mother, that little voice inside his head whispered. 

He didn't know if Yuuri wanted to be a father, but he was an alpha after all and Victor his omega, his bonded mate. Victor realised that he was Yuuri’s plan A, B and C. There was no changing their minds anymore. Whatever he would decide according to their family plans would affect Yuuri too. All the responsibility was suddenly heavy on his shoulders.

If it was just him, could he ever be enough for Yuuri?

It dawned on Victor; they never really had talked about the possibility of becoming a family. Maybe Yuuri sensed that it was a tender topic for Victor. Or Yuuri felt the same way, maybe not.

It was a huge decision. There might be one or two more seasons in him, Victor thought. But maybe this was just an excuse. He wondered, his right hand resting on his neck were the bond mark lay, slightly faded, but sometimes still pulsating. A Symbol of all there was now, all they were. 

He could still feel the sting, bringing back sweet memories. Pleasure and pain, taking and giving, lines blurred. Did he take too much, not giving back enough?

Victor talked to his mother almost on daily basis. She was never too shy to ask about his status quo, preferably in her savage ways, something Victor had inherited if Yuuri was asked. 

Comments like, "is your belly still flat, Vitya?" or advices like, "you have to hold your legs up, dear...," didn't make it any easier for him. With the sweetest of words, she could make him feel like a complete failure. Hardly giving into his role as an omega almost became his own little revenge on her. Though he had to admit it was a bit unfair. She still deserved lots of credit. Whenever he was in pain or didn't know what to do, she came to the rescue, holding him and calming him with her motherly scent, no matter how old he was. Reassuring him. Just like Yuuri did now with the little girl in his arms.

Yuuri didn't know it yet, but Victor could see the great father he could be someday. With such a dad, children might even be able to overcome a mother like him. 

Victor smiled.


	2. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a little Christmas gift for you guys.  
> I wanted to experiment a bit so chapter 2 is completely in Yuuri’s POV.

Here they stood in front of an enormous white townhouse with wide windows and a generous entrance. It was in the middle of may, already untypically warm for Saint Petersburg, but still too cold for Yuuri’s taste. Makkachin was swaying her tail in anticipation. She nuzzled Yuuri’s hand as if she could feel his unease. “It’s ok, good girl,” he said softly, stroking her head affectionately. That’s when he noticed that his hand was shaking.

Yes, Yuuri was nervous. He hadn’t seen Victor’s family in months. Precisely since the night they had bonded; the night Victor kissed the first gold medal he had ever won. A gold medal, huh? Yuuri thought. It had taken more than that. More than a promise and more than a bottle of Vodka. 

When Yuuri was back in Saint Petersburg and presented the gold after Japanese nationals Victor was elated. Suddenly his own medal seemed but forgotten. He had embraced Yuuri as soon as he entered the welcome area of the airport, kissed his face all over and praised him. “I knew you would win, I just knew, my love, my Yuuri”, he had said, his voice filled with pride and affection. 

As they entered their apartment, Yuuri found out to his utter shock that Victor had organised a big surprise party to celebrate his first gold. Everyone Yuuri had met during his time in Saint Petersburg seemed to have come for him. Even Victors parents were there to congratulate him. Yuuri was overwhelmed by all the attention. One or two shots of Vodka helped him out here thankfully. When everyone was finally gone he felt light headed and euphoric. 

After a quick shower he found Victor cleaning the kitchen counter, headphones on, wiggling his ass to some uptempo beat. Watching him like this, Yuuri realised he hadn’t touched him in forever, neither kissed him passionately nor made sweet love to him. With Victor shaking his pretty backside, emitting an unbelievably arousing smell, he felt the need to bring this amazing night to an appropriate end.

Quietly he walked over to his boyfriend, taking off the headphones. He turned him around and kissed him deeply. All the passion and desire that had piled up during the last two weeks were poured into their steamy connection. Victor’s back was pressed forcefully into the counter. He yelped in surprise while Yuuri’s lips wandered downwards, along the jawline down to his neck. Gently but firmly Yuuri licked and sucked at the sensitive scent gland that lay in the crook of his neck, making Victor release a stifled moan. Yuuri was drunk on the sweet smell that filled the air. His cock hardened while rubbing between the wet towel that covered him barely and Victor’s upper thigh. “God, I want you, I missed you so much, you have no idea”, Victor had whimpered breathlessly, his voice full of longing. No, it wasn’t the gold, the promise or the Vodka. It was even simpler than that. 

Now standing on the doorstep of Victor’s parents’ thinking about what he had done made him feel extremely nervous. He knew that he hadn’t followed proper etiquette as an alpha and put his mark on their only omega son. Yuuri knew what it must have looked like to them, marking their son after a night of alcohol and celebration, not even considering their opinion. On the one hand he felt awful about it, on the other he was almost euphoric. Victor was his and he was Victor’s now. The thought consumed him, making him all light headed again. Something that felt so right couldn’t be wrong, could it? Yuuri balled his hands into fists, the look in his eyes turned into determination.

“What’s wrong, Yuuri?” Victor seemed to sense Yuuri’s inner struggle too. He cupped his cheek. “Don’t you worry, my Yuuri, there is nothing you did that…,” Yuuri looked into Victor eyes then quickly down to his feet. “I know,” he replied in a low voice. Without hesitation Victor kissed the top of his head. Yuuri looked up in surprise. Again, Victor took his face in his hands and let his forehead rest against Yuuri’s, closing his eyes. “I am so lucky to have you”, Victor whispered, placing a soft kiss on his brow.

Yuuri looked at Victor once more, trying to read him, observing his features. The cheeks and the tips of his ears were tinted in a light pinkish color, surely from the cold. The blue of his eyes shining bright; full of warmth, the expression understanding and tender. Seeing Victor like that, so completely and without any layers made Yuuri realise there had never been a person truer than him. He felt his heart skip a beat. How would he ever be able to return all that Victor was giving him? In that moment he closed his eyes and sent a silent prayer towards the sky. “I…I Love you”, he said simply. His heart was racing. 

Without any hesitation or doubt Victor reciprocated Yuuri’s words unabashedly, “And I love you, that’s why we did the right thing, zolotse. When you held me close to your bare chest and…”, Yuuri felt his face growing hotter with every passing word so he quickly silenced Victor with a kiss. How could he always be like that? Brutal and blunt and unashamed. Yuuri envied him. Holding Victor by the waist and pressing his body closer Yuuri deepened the kiss. Desperately he tried to hold Victors words in by simply wrapping him up with his whole body. Victor had to push himself slightly up to catch his breath, “Wow, amazing, my Yuuri,” he said fervently, his lips forming a heart shaped smile. Yes, Yuuri loved him, loved him genuinely.

The act of bonding was the fulfilment of their hearts desire. And it made Yuuri part of the Nikiforov family. At least that was what Victor had told him. “You and I, we are one now. You belong to my family. You are my family,” Victor had said. Yuuri wondered if Victors family would agree to that.

“Oh, I thought I heard voices, there you are. We have been waiting for you, silly.” Victor’s mother opened the door eagerly, a soft smile on her lips. She was a tall elegant woman with light silver hair tied up into a bun. Though her lips showed a bright smile, the clear blue eyes were unmoving.

She pulled Victor into a tight embrace. Her hands wandered from his back over his sides to his shoulders and face, caressing his cold cheeks. “Mishka, you need to put on a warmer coat, you are freezing,” she said concerned. “Mama –,” Victor started but was cut off by her when she turned around to greet Yuuri. “Yuuri, it’s so good to see you, “ She said while putting a warm hand on Yuuri's shoulder, pressing down softly, her eyes unreadable. “We haven’t seen each other for so long,” she continued, “And you Makkachin,” she bent down slightly to stroke Makkchin’s thick fur while the brown poodle nuzzled her leg.

Loving mother, devoted children, a happy dog. It seemed like a scene out of a family movie. Still Yuuri could feel the tension in the air that surrounded them. His smile grew awkward. He knew what he had signed up for today and he would fight through it by all means.

Being invited to one of the big birthday parties at the Nikiforov estate made Yuuri realise all over again that Victor grew up in wonderland. Protective family, providing parents, excellent education and training, anything he could ever have asked for. 

Yuuri hadn’t had a bad childhood himself, but it could not compare to being raised at Disneyland. Well, it wasn’t Disney, but very close.

Victor’s mother made sure to store all of his personal toys and stuffed animals for his own children in two spare rooms of the huge estate. He even used to have a whole theme park in the backyard just for himself. Yuuri had seen the pictures. Maybe it was worse than Disneyland. 

He was sure that they would never have the space to accommodate all that stuff. Thinking of it made him blush, he always wondered if there would ever be the necessity to take his love’s childhood treasures home. He didn’t dare to let his thoughts wander more. Red faced he quickly shoved them to the very back of his mind. 

Victor was the youngest out of three. The only omega at that. His older brother by two years, Dimitri, as well as his sister Valentina, older by four years, were both alphas. 

Valentina was very much like her father – the voice of reason but she could be fierce and savage like her mother when things weren’t going her way. Which, fortunately, wasn’t too often. Except for anything that concerned her omega baby brother.

Her two children were already running around the hallway, chasing their uncle Dimitri when Yuuri and Victor arrived. Her youngest, Evgeni, was a carbon copy of Victor, short silvery hair and shiny blue eyes, always smiling and laughing. Yuuri couldn’t believe that this child ever had a bad day in his life, though Valentina would proof him wrong. According to her, her beloved Zhenya could throw tantrums like no other. 

As soon as the small boy spotted Victor he ran up all the way to the entrance shrieking, “Vitya! Vitya!” and jumping into his arms. Victor smiled lovingly at his nephew and held him up.  
“There you are, my love, my sweet birthday boy,” with that he pulled Evgeni close and smothered his face in raspberry kisses. The little one started giggling immediately and embraced Victor with his tiny arms. Victor hugged Evgeni once more and sat him down. “Go ahead and safe me a seat next to you, love,” Victor told him while kneeling down.  
Yuuri’s heart began to swell. He wondered if Victor knew what he looked like around the youngest members of the family. If he ever noticed the way his eyes lit up with happiness and how his voice would sound all tender and endearing. “A mothers love,” Yuuri thought. It felt like the happiness coming from his own mother whenever they were around. Warm and gentle, approving and full of love. Yuuri couldn’t help but let his eyes wander to Victor’s mother. Finally he saw a genuine smile bloom on her face while she watched her youngest son. There was a lot of love and affection in those eyes too.

Yuuri knew that Victor’s mother loved her son very much. They did have disputes that made the air around them sizzle with tension but that never meant they didn’t care for each other.

Sometimes Yuuri felt that the reason for their difficulties was due to them both being very alike. The two of them were very strong minded and confident, somewhat demanding but also understanding and caring. Yuuri knew that Victor’s mother did everything just for Victors’ sake, something mothers were all about, weren’t they? Victor was exactly the same, very demanding but with the best intentions. He was honest, often brutally honest, but never in a demeaning way. He was a good teacher, a good friend. Sometimes he showed his love in tough ways, but more often in gentle and loving ways. 

Maybe he didn't know it yet, but Yuuri could see the great mother he would be someday.

 

Standing in the midst of the Nikiforov clan made Yuuri painfully aware of all his flaws and short comings. They were everything he was not. Still Victor had chosen him, among hundreds and thousands of eligible alphas, betas and omegas. Even after over two years, it still was surreal. He sighted deeply. He hated himself for being so unsure of everything, mostly himself. He trusted Victor and he knew that this feelings inside were irreplaceable. Still, when everything around him was very quite he could hear this little voice inside his head. Oh so faint, but still there. Was he good enough, strong enough? 

His heart sank just thinking about the possibility of disappointing Victor and having to leave his life for good. Being with someone as wonderful as his mate was a dream come true. Yuuri was simply afraid of waking up someday. He knew he was far from perfect, an unusual alpha, meek and somewhat shy, ordinary looking at best and way too often full of self-doubt when his anxiety suddenly kicked in. Especially watching Victor with his family could make his anxiety hit the rooftop. He swallowed hard. It’s going to be ok, he told himself trying to slow down his heartbeat by breathing in deeply. He would do it without having a nervous breakdown, he would manage, surely. 

“Please take off your coats and find your seats. I’ll be in the kitchen with Valentina. We are almost done with preparing,” Victor’s mother said, leaving the two men to join her daughter.

Yuuri still felt his hands shaking when he tried to peel off his coat. He needed to calm down! It was ok, he didn’t do anything wrong, he told himself. Still sweat was forming on his forehead. He needed to get out of this coat! His breathing became noticeably louder and more irregular. Calm down, he repeated his mantra again and again. Suddenly he felt Victors arms around him, holding him close, “Are you really alright? Do you want to leave?”, Victors voice was low and concerned. By now Yuuri knew that he was probably giving off a smell that revealed his apprehension.

Quickly he stepped out of Victors embrace. “No, no, no, I’m alright,” He shook his head excessively, trying to emphasize his words. Victor studied his face and raised a brow. ”Don’t forget, I’m here for you.” He stepped forward and took Yuuri’s hand to kiss his fingertips. A sad smile formed on Yuuri’s lips. “I know, thank you. I need to go to the bathroom, I will join you guys in a bit.” Victor smiled and nodded, going ahead to greet the other family members.

When Yuuri finally followed Victor into the winter garden he was in awe. Everything was beautifully decorated. White candles were placed in big lanterns all over the room, shining with warm light. Pale colored lilies and orchids matched the white interior and flowing translucent chiffon curtains covered the glass of the big windows. Everyone was already chatting happily and laughing. Even without him they all looked happy and somehow – complete.

“Zhenya, let’s get Lukasa, we can go play hide and seek with Mitya,” hearing Victor switch into Russian always made Yuuri nervous. His language skills were passable, but he still needed to improve. Even though he could understand almost everything, speaking had always been quite frustrating.

From time to time Victor and Yuuri were babysitting Valentina’s children. At first it felt awkward, but after a few times the ice was broken and Yuuri interacted with them naturally, laughing and making fun. Victor knew it was important for Yuuri to practice his speaking, so he suggested for Yuuri to take the opportunity and read Russian tales to their small guests before bedtime. The children seemed to enjoy it very much. Especially Luka had taken a liking to Yuuri, helping him out when he had problems with the pronunciation. When he noticed Yuuri was making a mistake he secretly poked his arm, so Evgeni wouldn’t notice it. Yuuri enjoyed these simple moments that made him feel part of Victors family. 

“Zhenya loves Vitya the most, you know. He is always is so excited to see him.” Torn from his thoughts Yuuri turned around. Valentina had come up from behind him and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, Victor loves him too, very much.” Yuuri said with a gentle smile on his lips.

“I wonder…,” Valentina started, but stopped instantly. “Never mind, come with me and help me peel some fruits for the children in the kitchen.” It was clear to Yuuri that this was not a question. He followed her quietly. 

From the basin in the kitchen they could watch the kids through a big window. They had managed to lure their two uncles outside to play in the garden. Victor was already lying on the ground, Evgeni on top of him. Faint laughs and giggles could be heard through the window.

“So Yuuri, how have you been? We haven’t really had the chance to talk to each other for quite some time,” Valentina remarked washing two apples and giving one to Yuuri.  
He looked at the apple in his hand and started cutting, “I-I’m fine,” he stuttered, suddenly feeling very aware of her dominant alpha presence. As the tension was slowly getting stronger, Valentina put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I can see that,” She said, suppressing a chuckle, her blue eyes full of sympathy. “Please relax, this is not a marriage interview, you have already bonded with my little brother…though I wish you would have talked to me about it beforehand,” she commented and raised an eyebrow.  
Yuuri looked at her nervously, starting to turn scarlet. She huffed and continued, “You know, we had somewhat of a rough start, but I am truly happy for you. You are really good for Vitya.” These words made Yuuri lighten up a bit and he was finally able to calm slightly.  
“Please don’t take it personally, I just wanted to make sure Victor was doing the right thing. No matter how old, he will always be my little baby brother. Can you understand that?” Yuuri nodded, of course he understood why his sister was so protective of him. He had an older sister himself, alpha or not.

A few minutes of silence followed, Valentina seemed to be lost in thoughts. She sighted heavily before she started to speak again. 

“When he was still a child, he used to be so happy all the time, always smiling, just like Zhenya. They are both so similar, it scares me sometimes. There are moments when Zhenya does something and I realise Vitya would have done it exactly the same way. Even when it comes to skating. Ever since Victor took him to the rink last year Zhenya babbles about nothing but ice-skating. Sometimes he would just sit in front of our door, his tiny ice-skates in his hands, waiting for someone to pick him up and go to the rink with him. My little darling seems to have a talent for it, just like Vitya. I was thinking of giving him into Yakov’s care, but I am still not ready to let my baby go. Yakov can be very scary, don’t you think?“ Yuuri almost choked at that comment. He remembered Natasha and her crying fit the other day.

“But still, he is very capable and deep inside he has a heart of gold,” while saying that Yuuri nodded reassuringly as if he needed to convince himself of it. Valentina chuckled, putting a few of her long blond strands behind her ear. She started to peel oranges while Yuuri resumed with the kiwis. 

“I heard you tend to the kids in the beginners group, is that true?” Again, Yuuri nodded, smiling fondly, “I help out every now and then. Why don’t you bring Zhenya next week, I could have an eye on him?” 

“I hoped you’d say that. Knowing Zhenya will be with someone he knows and trusts makes things so much easier for me,” Valentina closed her eyes and exhaled with relieve. A slight blush started to reform on Yuuri’s cheeks. He was happy to be of use for Victor’s family. 

“I am not sure if you know it, but having Vitya in your care really sets me at ease, actually all of us. We are so grateful for you to have him,” Valentina’s voice was soft. “I always knew he was strong, he is so much like mama. He could never have been anything else but an omega. It made me proud, but also anxious when he presented. Such a wild child, I thought. I wondered what would happen to him if an alpha came into his life. I know that he still thinks mama wants him to stop skating and become a devoted mate and mother, but that is simply not true. In her heart of hearts, she knows Vitya needs to be free and live a life of his own,” her eyes were tender, shining warmly. She paused for a moment and swallowed before continuing, “what I wanted to say is just…thank you for letting him be himself and for making him happy, thank you for coming into our family...”, Yuuri was struck by her words. He never would have thought that Valentina felt that way. His heart was soaring. 

“It-it’s nothing really. Truth is, Victor always takes good care of me too, more than I ever could. But thank you for your kind words, Valentina,” he stammered and the blush on his face deepened. He nervously looked at the kiwi slices in front of him as if they were a piece of art. 

“Please call me Valechka, you are my brother, too.” His eyes widened. He was so surprised, he almost forgot to breath. 

“I will, Valechka.” His heart was now pounding uncontrollably in his chest. It felt as if it was about to burst. Was he dreaming? What did he miss? Just a few hours ago he made a survival plan for the day just to be told he was part of the family – accepted by Victor’s sister, according to her even their whole family. Yuuri, the soft alpha who knew nothing about tradition and etiquette. Who was as charming as a house plant and very likely to be overseen at any given time. He wondered what it was that Valentina saw in him, what Victor saw in him.

Little did Yuuri know that she could see the great alpha he was just by the way her little brother’s eyes lit up whenever he looked at Yuuri; how happy he seemed and most of all, how much she still recognised that little boy with the tiny skates within him.

Yuuri put the plate with the fruits onto the table. Victor was already sitting there, Evgeni in his lap. For a four-year-old, he was fairly small, almost petite. He looked like a little doll in Victor’s lap, giggling happily. 

“You are like mama,” Victor was baffled, looking at the small boy in his arms. “What do you mean by that, my love?”, Evgeni turned in Victors’ lap, put his arms on his uncle’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. “You smell so sweet, just like mama,” Victor blushed lightly and brushed some silver strands off Evgeni’s face. “Is that so?”, he paused, “Well, your mama is my sister, you know what that means, right?”

“Yes, I want to have a sister, too!”, He said with bright eyes. “Then I will be a big brother and always protect her,” Victor embraced Evgeni and kissed his head. The cuteness almost broke his heart, “I know you will, little one.”

Mikhail chuckled at his sons’ remarks, “He is talking about this all the time, a baby sister…and ice-skating,” 

Victor closed his eyes nodded empathically, “oh, I see, the part with ice-skating I completely understand,” with that Valentina came up from behind Victor and gave him a playful blow on the head. “Ouch, I guess I deserved that.”

“Sure did. By the way, I think it’s time for Zhenya to open up his presents. Mama, can you tell papa?” Their father was still working in his office. Though he was a busy man, he always tried to make time for his family.

“Of course, dear,” with that Victor’s mother went inside. Just a few minutes later She returned with the head of the family. Victor’s father was tall build, had greyish hair and piercing blue eyes. His shoulders were wide and he was very sporty for a man in his sixties. There was always this smart casual look about him. He didn’t tend to show a lot of emotions, always calm and collected on the outside. It was hard to figure what was going on in his head. He seemed stern and strict, but when you got to know him, you would find him to be a very humorous person.

“Please sit down, Vanyushka, can I offer you something to drink?“ Victor’s Mother smiled sweetly at her husband. Ivan returned her smile and nodded, “Would you be so kind to get me some water, Vika?” Before Victoria had the chance to move Dimitri got up, “just let me,” he said and fetched the drink for his father. 

Everyone was finally gathered around the table, Evgeni still in Victor’s lap wearing a glittering party hat. In front of him a big tart tinted green since it was his favourite colour. Four candles graced the top. Evgeni took a deep breath and put them out at first try. Everyone started applauding furiously.  
“Such a strong boy,” his father commented. “Sure thing, he got it from his grandfather,” Ivan added. The two men started laughing.

Yuuri watched the happy family and started to feel like an outsider all over again. Valechka’s words from before lingered in his head. Still, they couldn’t change what he was feeling. His eyes wandered to his plate. Victor noticed his mates discomfort. Ever so lightly he stroked Yuuri’s hand under the table. It was going to be alright, he seemed to say. Yuuri looked at him from under his lashes and nodded slightly.

The tart was removed and replaced by presents. Valentina gave Evgeni one present after another until there was only one left to open. It was packed in blue wrapping paper, decorated with yellow shooting stars. “Remember what to do when you see a shooting star, Zhenya?”, “close your eyes and make a wish!” Evgeni finished together with his mother. “That’s right, sweetie,” Valentina said and smiled. 

Almost ecstatic Evgeni ripped the paper open, only to reveal a stuffed pink rabbit. He looked at his mother and started grinning. For some reason he knew exactly what it meant. “Your little sister will be so excited when you give her this as a welcoming gift.” Evgeni Immediately jumped up into his mother arms leaving Victor slightly disheveled. 

After a few seconds of silence Victoria came up to her daughter to hug her and Evgeni all together. “What a beautiful surprise!”, Instantly she started crying. “How far along are you?” Dimitri asked, joining his mother to embrace his older sister. 

“Just into the second trimester,” she answered in between the hugs. Now everyone else got up and congratulated the expecting parents. Her father shook Mikhail’s hand enthusiastically and patted his back with the other hand. “Good job.” 

Yuuri walked towards the happy couple, ready to congratulate them as well when he noticed Victors absent stare. “Hey, is everything ok,?” He asked. Victor looked up, shaking his head slowly while is lips formed a small smile, “of course,” he said and walked up to his sister, embracing her as well. Silently Yuuri watched Victors face. He didn’t know what to make of it. Even though the pregnancy of his sister was a joyful event his smile seemed off, his eyes even a bit sad. Yuuri wondered. 

After they sat down again, Victoria lifted her glass for a toast. “To our birthday boy Zhenya, who is finally going to be a big brother soon! But also to my dear Valentina who always surprises me anew, you are my pride and joy and I am so happy for you to experience the best feeling in the world all over again, making me the happiest mother and grandmother there could ever be. I admire how you always manage to meet all of my expectations and go beyond. You never disappoint me,” with the last words her eyes fell on Victor. While everyone else joined into the toast, Victor put his glass down with a loud thud, “please excuse me,” he added, shot to his feet and stormed off, Makkachin following him on quick paws. 

Yuuri was dumbstruck. Somehow Victor seemed very distressed, if not even upset and…sad? Everyone looked surprised, everyone, but his mother. Victoria couldn’t suppress her grin. Yuuri was baffled. Valentina glared her mother and huffed, putting her hands on her hips, “why did you do that?” she said reproachfully. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t know what’s gotten into him,” Victoria said all innocently. “Mama…,” Valentina wanted to start scolding her but was cut off, “don’t worry, Victor will pull himself together, it’s not like he didn’t expect it to be brought up, such a drama queen, really,” Victoria stated nonchalantly. 

With that Yuuri got up as well and excused himself. All day he was so busy with himself and his own demons he barely noticed that his mate was dealing with demons of his very own. Though he was not sure what was going on, he knew that his mate was in pain and that he had failed to comfort him the same way Victor had done for him.

He followed Victor’s scent until he ended up in front of a closed door. It was the door to Victors old bedroom. He knocked softly. No answer, he knocked a second time.

“It’s me, can I come in, Victor?” Again, no reaction. “Please, I don’t understand what’s going on, don’t be like that. Did I do something wrong?” 

Finally, Victor opened the door. Yuuri looked straight into his eyes. His face was very pale, the eyes weary. “Are you ok?” He asked, his voice low and careful. Victor was about to close the door again, but Yuuri put his foot in-between. “Please, tell me what’s going on. I want to help,” Yuuri was desperate. Seeing his mate like this was hard for him to handle. Felt Victor that he was not worthy sharing his concerns? Maybe not strong enough to handle his pain? All of sudden Yuuri’s own anxiety flared up again. Even more so when he saw Victor walking away from him to sit down on his bed with his back turned to Yuuri. 

Yuuri closed his eyes, swallowing hard. Now was not the time for this. He needed to get his act together and be there for his mate.  
Hesitantly Yuuri walked slowly into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat next to Victor on the bed putting his hand on Victors head, caressing him affectionately. “Please, you know you can tell me,” He added gently.

Victor swallowed. “Yuuri...I’m so sorry for being… like that-“, he finally whispered, his voice breaking.

“What do you mean?” Yuuri mumbled, cutting him off. He turned to observe Victor’s face, trying to catch the look in his eyes, but Victor flinched.

“That I don’t give you…give you that…though I promised by bonding with you…” Tears started to flow uncontrollably, his body trembling. Seeing Victor in pain like this, Yuuri didn’t know what to do. The only thing he could think of was to release some of his pheromones. Carefully he turned Victor towards him, hands resting on his forearms, stroking carefully up and down while searching Victors face. When their eyes connected he embraced him tenderly. He kissed the warm skin of his scent gland affectionately, “I still don’t get it. I have you, all of you, you don't owe me anything,” Yuuri muttered, his warm breath softly caressing the sensitive area. Victor seemed more relaxed in his arms now, accepting the comfort Yuuri was giving him.

“Whenever I see you at practice with Yakov and the children I feel so guilty. It’s like I am robbing you of the opportunity to be the wonderful father you could be, and I-I’m sorry for-”  
Finally it dawned on Yuuri. He took Victors face into his hands, looking him straight in the eyes. “Please stop, don’t say one more word.” A sad smile on his face as he continued, “don’t ever apologies, not for something like this.” Yuuri carefully wiped the tears away and pressed his forehead against Victor’s, their noses touching. He closed the distance between them, kissing Victor with an intensity that seemed to behold all of the feelings he had inside, hoping Victor would understand. 

“Today was a long day, I think we should head home,” Yuuri said and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zolotse - piece of gold  
> Mishka - little mouse
> 
> Diminutives used:
> 
> Zhenya for Evgeni  
> Lukasa for Lukas  
> Mitya for Dimitri  
> Valechka for Valentina  
> Vika for Viktoria  
> Vanyushka for Ivan  
> Follow me on twitter for updates (@kashichan)


	3. Unfree

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks and every single comment you left for me. When I look at the stats of this fic I feel thankful for everyone who enjoys my writing. It really makes my day <3

After the incident with his mother, Victor refused talking to her for almost a week. When he finally felt it was time for her to apologise, he dialled her number.

“Yes,” she answered casually, knowing exactly who was calling her.

“You know, I accept your apology,” Victor said confidently, pressing his lips together into a slim line.

“Well, I don't accept yours, leaving all of sudden without even telling me goodbye, that was very rude of you. I thought I raised you better than that,” her voice high pitched and flustered.

“I surely have no reason to apologise at all. If you want to know who I got that from, you treat me rudely all the time. I seriously don't know why you think I deserve it,” Victor concluded emotionlessly.

“Mishka, it’s not like I want to hurt you. It's just, that I don't get why you-“ she was cut off by Victor, “don't fulfil my omegan duty and make you the proud grandmother you deserve to be?”, he said almost spiteful. He paused, a few seconds of silence followed.

“It's hard, you know. Everyone expects me to be perfect. But I can't possibly make everyone happy. Sorry for thinking I need to make myself happy in the first place,” he stopped again and swallowed. “I'm not like you, I'm…I’m afraid,” the last words were just a whisper. He closed his eyes.

“Vitya...,” it was the first time that she heard him say those words. He was always so strong and confident, even cocky at times. As far as she was concerned, her son was an enigma; like a phoenix rising from the ashes. The shake in his voice let her frown. “You are Victor Nikiforov and more than anything, you are my beautiful, strong omega son and you can do anything you want,” she said confidently.

“Mama…,” Victor breathed.

“Of course, only if you want…,” she continued.

Yuuri watched Victor from the kitchen counter. He could feel the tension coming from his mate. Each second with his mother on the phone he had gotten more quiet and paler. Yuuri observed the scene intensively, trying to figure out what was going on. The scent that filled the air was thick and stale. Not fear, but weariness; Not anger, but despair seemed to tint the scent.

Yuuri felt the sudden urge to hold Victor close and soothe him, but he didn’t dare to move. Victor seemed to have noticed the attention. When their eyes met he put on a smile and turned quickly away from Yuuri and towards the kitchen counter.

Lately Makkachin was the only one Victor accepted close to him. She would sniff on his fingertips and push her head against his legs. Pressing her warm body against him affectionately. That’s when Yuuri would finally see him lighten up a bit. Makkachin seemed to feel that there was something wrong with her master. Every time Victor emitted that certain smell, so strange and unknown to Yuuri, she would try and comfort him. Just like right now. She came up to Victor and nuzzled his leg. Absently he stroked her furry head. Yuuri was thankful for any help he could get to break through the the walls Victor had build so carefully around him.

It was hard for Yuuri to see Victor like this. He refused to talk about what happened at his parent’s place completely. As soon as Yuuri tried to bring it up, Victor quickly changed the topic, putting on a big fat fake smile. It made Yuuri sick to his stomach. He felt like calling someone, Yakov, Yurio, Victor’s mother, anyone. As long as he could help him in some way.

Yuuri was as concerned about their future as Victor, but that didn’t seem to count. Victor liked to do things in his own way, but he seemed to have forgotten about the fact that it was Yuuri’s future too. There wasn’t a moment that Yuuri would have demanded something from his mate he wasn’t willing to give. Just thinking about Victor feeling that way hurt Yuuri. It was normal to want different things in a relationship. If Victor didn’t want to have children, that was fine, then it would be just the two of them, and Makkachin of course, Yuuri thought. He even had told him, that it was ok, sort of. There must have been another reason for his behaviour Yuuri couldn’t quite pinpoint. Why was he in so much distress?

He longed to touch his restless mate, to hold him and make it better. There was just that one thing keeping him at bay, the one thing that would not let him. It was so small, so quite, so meaningless and still; it was pulsing in his head, drawing circles floating through the air, engulfing him, growing bigger and bigger like a tornado.

Yuuri closed his eyes. His mouth was dry, his limbs heavy and his throat tight. The air got thicker and thicker around him. Whether it was him giving off that painful scent or Victor, he didn’t know. He just knew it was harder and harder to breath, to take it all in. What if Victor would hate his touch? Would push him away? Maybe even leave him? Trembling fingers touched his forehead, feeling the wet skin under the tips. He swallowed hard and shook his head. His mate needed him. He couldn’t lose to his anxiety all over again. If Victor pushed him away he would just have to hold on tighter, he told himself.

Determined Yuuri walked towards Victor who turned around in surprise almost letting his telephone slip through his hands. Victor flinched and took a step backwards, putting the telephone back to his lips. “I have to go,” he said and hung up. “Can I help you?” he asked smiling. That smile again, Yuuri couldn’t take the charade anymore.

“You are selfish,” Yuuri said quietly with his arms crossed over his chest. Victor opened his mouth in shock, but no word came. “Why are you like that, why don’t you trust me, why-“, Yuuri couldn’t finish the sentence. “Why? I can tell you why. Cause I’m selfish. That’s it.Thats the reason for everything.” Victor turned around, walking towards the bedroom. Yuuri followed, stopping him by grabbing his right arm. Victor’s eyes widened. “That’s what I mean. Stop running away.” His voice was gruffer than he intended it to be. “Is that an order?” Victor asked mockingly. Now it was Yuuri’s turn to feel baffled. “No, You know I would never…,” he said startled, but stopped halfway when Victor shook his hand off and walked into the bedroom.

Standing right in front of that door it seemed massive. He put a hand on the wood, letting it slide down. “Let me in, won’t you,” he whispered against the hard material with closed eyes, knowing Victor could not hear him. He didn’t understand what had happened, what had created that closed door between them. Going inside now felt like intruding on Victor’s feelings. Those feelings he couldn’t understand; surrounded by a smell he didn’t recognise. Yuuri felt like crying.

Makkachin was rubbing her body against his legs, interrupting his thoughts. “You need to go outside, don’t you?” He said patting her head. Maybe some fresh air could help him sort his thoughts.

Victor could hear the door to their apartment close. Yuuri was gone and his heart hurt in a way he never thought possible. It was not for the things Yuuri had said but for the truth that lay in them. Yes he was selfish and yes he had locked him out. He couldn’t deny it. Frustration and anger and fear had piled up. The words just came out of his mouth, he couldn’t control them.

Accusing Yuuri of giving him an alpha command was hurtful. He regretted the words right after they left his mouth. Yuuri wasn’t that kind of alpha, he knew. Still Yuuri’s words pralines him, for a second he couldn’t move nor breath. His body was responding to those words in a way it never had done before.

Everything about Yuuri made him feel vulnerable and bare. Ever since they had bonded he could feel the change in himself. The way his body reacted to Yuuri, the way he would give himself to his alpha. What it felt like to hold him and be held. How their bodies would become one. It elated and frightened him at the same time.

Victor always had thought he needed to fight on his own, but Yuuri had proofed him wrong, wrong in so many ways he could never fully comprehend. Even now when he was lying here in their bed, only seeking quite and peace to think, he wanted Yuuri close. It was like he tried to proof something to himself; that he was still an independent person, a free omega, who didn’t need an alpha. Yes, he didn’t need him, but he wanted him. All of him.

Outside Victor could hear the clicking of a door and footsteps. He got up from the bed and opened the door. Yuuri stood there just looking at him. “Victor?” He said in a low voice.

“Hey,” was the only thing Victor said when he embraced his mate. He held onto him tightly, caressing his back. Yuuri felt stiff in his arms at first but Victor’s gentle caress seemed to make him relax. “Hey,” Yuuri answered, slowly putting his hands around Victor, reciprocating the gesture of comfort. “Are you afraid?,” Victor asked, his voice unsure.

Before Yuuri could even think about the question, his answer came from deep within him. He closed his eyes, “yes.”

Against all his expectations Victor leaned in more and buried his face in the soft curve of Yuuri’s neck, letting hot breath trail along his skin. “I’m sorry. I know you worry about me,” Victor whispered against his ear. Yuuri nodded slightly. It was now or never. “When you came to Hasetsu, I never thought we would make it here. Every time I struggled and fell, you would pick me up. Please let me make it up to you, let me meet you halfway too. Please Victor.” There was silence. Yuuri could hear his own heartbeat pulsing in his ears. “Let me help,” Yuuri continued. Out of nowhere the tears began falling from his Yuuri’s eyes, wetting Victor’s face and neck. Maybe Victor hadn’t noticed it, but his own tears were running down his face too, mingling with Yuuri’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to make up for all the angst, promise ;)


	4. Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri make up in their own way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. This chapter made me crazy in the worst way possible. Now I hope it will make you crazy in the best way possible.
> 
> Thank you Paty for correcting, yesterday I was on the brink of insanity ;_;
> 
> Rating for this chapter is E

Reading was usually one of Victor's favorite activities, especially on a free day where he could lose himself entirely in another world. Today was not that day. He sat there on their sofa, lost in thoughts while staring at the letters. He would not have known what the book was about for anything. Meanwhile, Yuuri was lying in his lap, playing Nintendo DS, seemingly captivated by the little figures that were jumping up and down on the small screen.

“I am not ready as well,” Yuuri’s words dull and far away in Victor’s ears. Victor gave him a questioning look. The alpha turned in his lap, putting the game down.

“I can feel your…I can tell, you’re thinking too much. Don't worry about all that; we will set our own pace.” Yuuri said reassuringly holding his gaze.

“Yuuri,” Victor was caught off guard. He looked at the alpha in wonder. The eyes of his mate were full of assurance and understanding. Somehow those words meant great comfort for him.

Finally, ever so slowly, both of them were growing closer again — scenting each other, holding hands, sometimes sleeping naked in each other’s arms. Talking seemed too difficult for now, too intimate still. Yuuri was already happy that Victor no longer tried to hide his feelings from him.

Whenever Victor felt that he needed comfort, he would search for Yuuri’s eyes; silently taking his hand for a bit. It seemed to console Victor in a way. Yuuri felt the change in his mate and their relationship. Knowing he could comfort Victor made Yuuri feel good too — needed.

Victor wanted to explain everything to him, why he felt so vulnerable and powerless. The only problem was he didn’t know himself what was wrong with him. Sometimes he was full of excitement; other times left him empty and sad for no apparent reason. There were times when everything came together, and he felt sick to his stomach. His own scent would become so stale and sour; it made him throw up. He wondered if it was still the aftermath of the bonding, his body trying to match up with Yuuri’s, building a rhythm.

After physically establishing a mutual bond both parties would experience changes according to body mind and soul. Their whole being was supposed to attune to one another. Mates could not only identify moods by smell but actually sense the true feelings of the other. Also, heat and rut would start to synch for breeding purpose, increasing the possibility of a pregnancy.

Like performing in a duet, it took time and dedication to combine those lone tunes — making each other complete. They were still at the very beginning of creating that beautiful harmonic melody, practicing every day. A few off-key notes were quite likely. The whole process could take a year and beyond; for some it would take a lifetime of effort and devotion. How far they had come would be clear in a few days time when Victor’s heat arrived.

It was already the end of May when Victor opened his heat cycle app in preparation for his upcoming heat. After worlds, he instantly stopped taking suppressants. The first real heat after their bonding was due in two days time.

He just had started preparing by sorting out the laundry and buying all of his favorite snacks. When it came to his heat, he was a very organized person. Everything to make sure it was a pleasant experience, not only for him but also for his alpha.

The most important thing for a smooth heat was, of course, a fabulous nest. Victor was eager to finally set it up, enthusiastically changing the bedding and making sure to scent the new sheets properly, rubbing the soft fabric over the scent glands of his neck and wrists. Victor was so obsessed with creating the perfect nest that he didn’t even notice he barely felt the need to make one.

Victor was looking forward to spending this very intimate time with his mate. Their first heat as a bonded pair. He swallowed. Finally, he would be able to feel the closeness of the other's body for hours on end again, scenting and holding each other.

Just thinking about it let a silly smile appear on Victor’s face. The only things he could think of were Yuuri's hands and lips caressing his body, his cock and knot easing the craving in his very core. He needed Yuuri close to him, around him and inside.

In anticipation, Victor had even sent Yuuri a reminder and blocked several days on his mate's calendar app with a winking smiley.

Since they ever shared his heat for the first time, Victor was particularly excited about those days every few months. Usually, Yuuri was a very considerate lover, always taking great care of Victor and going the extra mile, making sure that all of his needs were met. 

To people who didn't know him, Yuuri seemed to be the quiet type, reserved and not opening up easily. They usually took his behavior for shyness, but that wasn’t it. Yuuri was someone who learned to spend time on paying attention to others instead of trying to gain the attention himself.

Every curve Victor’s lips made, every little furrow of his brow, Yuuri would not only see it, but sense it. He knew the tiniest movements and any change of expression in Victor’s face by heart; how his body tensed in sweet pleasure and pain — the moment he held his breath just seconds before he came. The noises he made. Tiny whimpers at first just to be replaced by deep moaning and desperate mewling.

Victor always had been the loud type. He could easily whine and cry for two. It turned Yuuri on, to say the least. Just watching Victor writhe in the sheets could make him come undone. Sometimes he would just observe the scene, giving Victor little playful commands where or how to touch next. At other times he would just bend him over and claim him.

In the beginning, Yuuri was flustered and didn’t dare to do anything on his own accord, but with time he learned that he had everything it took to make Victor fall apart in the best way possible. Taking control didn’t come naturally to Yuuri, at least not outside of his rut.

Rutting Yuuri was bold and savage, full of want. Even though it was not clear to him if his hot face came from desire or shame, he wouldn’t stop. He kept going until his cock was buried to the hilt, the knot growing big inside Victor’s tight hole.

Yuuri loved to take him from behind and press his chest into the mattress. He knew Victor enjoyed it the most; getting on his hands and knees for him, head down and ass up high, presenting himself proudly to his alpha. Slick would be dripping from his hole and running down his thighs. Yuuri would hold him down with his own body until he was filled to the brim.

It was pure delight for Victor to witness Yuuri taking charge. Not because he liked to be a well behaved submissive omega. It was about giving up control to someone he could trust not to take advantage of him and abuse him or humiliate him — It was all about Victor, about him wanting to give up control, about him wanting to submit, about him wanting to be used. Just about giving up responsibilities and forgetting all the expectations that burdened him. Knowing he could entrust his little world to Yuuri and be sure it was returned safe and sound made Victor feel at ease.

For Yuuri, it took time to get used to giving pleasure not only to Victor but also to an omega the way only an alpha could. He had to grow into that role that was so foreign and familiar to him all at once. Before Victor, he had never spent a heat with an omega. Nervous fumbling and awkward touching he remembered all too well, but the very first thing that came to mind was Victor’s lust-flushed face. Something he had never seen before — something he never wanted to share with anyone else. He longed to keep it all to himself, the breathless moaning, the helpless whimpers. No one else was allowed to see Victor like this. No one but him.

 

Whenever Yuuri saw his omega lying in his nest, body aflame, writhing in pleasure; the eyes closed in delight pleading and begging for his alpha to take him, Yuuri was speechless. It never failed to get into every cell of his body. The heat, the smell, the need. He wanted it all and preserve it forever.

First Victor would start undressing himself slowly. With skilled hands, he’d slide under his garments to caress the soft flesh underneath. His fingertips would run up and down the perfect porcelain skin. He’d only linger for a moment to circle his nipples and pinch the buds seductively. His moans resounded in Yuuri’s ears like a mantra. Watching this little performance, he would lose all composure in an instant and mount his omega.

 

When Victor was in heat, everything went blurry while passion and lust streamed through him, again and again. Yuuri would fuck him through one orgasm after another, never tiring. Filling him though-roughly until he was begging to be knotted. No matter how big, he could take it. 

 

Being in heat had its advantages. What he didn‘t like was the missing lucidity that was accompanied by dulling faintness. On a high, he would not be aware of what was happening. But he wanted to be conscious of every minute, feel the sting, the hard grip on his hips, the frenetically powerful thrusts of his mate when he was close. That's why Victor preferred the moments when the heat slowly started to fade, and his head would clear up.

For this reason, he sometimes enjoyed Yuuri’s rut even a bit more than his own heat. Then he was finally able to witness the wonder Yuuri Katsuki was, stamina, strength and lots of eros. Just thinking about it made Victor tremble.

He could not imagine what it would be like to experience a synchronized cycle, both of them giving in to their deepest animalistic instincts. Victor shuddered. It was more than he could hope for at the very moment. Finally letting go of the heaviness clouding his mind, giving in to pleasure and need.

Since he hadn't been able to relax himself enough to engage in anything sexual for some time, everything about his upcoming heat felt slightly pressing and awkward. It made him feel miserable. He tried to push the thoughts aside, but it didn’t work.

Whenever Yuuri approached him, he seemed to feel that Victor wasn't completely into it and then just left it at giving him cuddles. Though Victor found Yuuri was best at giving cuddles, and though Yuuri swore he enjoyed this kind of intimacy just as much, Victor missed the sex. He felt bad about it, but he couldn’t help that feeling of longing that lingered.

Victor knew that Yuuri would never push him to do something he felt not comfortable with, but at this point, Victor even wished for Yuuri to be a bit more demanding to make him forget about it all. To take him apart and put him back together.

Victor could only hope for his heat to cloud his mind and make his brain finally shut up so he would be able to let loose at last.

*****

While they were lying next to each other in Victor’s carefully crafted nest, the omega checked his heat calendar for the third time within the last 20 minutes. His cycle was usually on time, even after months of suppressing. At least up until now. 

"Victor, you know... This can happen to everyone... Maybe we should just have dinner and go to sleep. Who knows, tomorrow you might wake up all sweaty and needy, hm?" Yuuri said playfully, trying to take the tension away. It didn't work one bit though. 

"This is serious matter Yuuri! Normally I would already be jumping up and down your cock," Victor said unabashedly, nodding to himself with crossed arms. Yuuri looked at him with a furrowed brow. There he was again, savage Victor in all his glory.

With thoughtful voice, the omega continued: “do-do you think I might have run out of heats?" 

"What?" 

"You know, maybe I am…," he ended in a whisper, "...too old..." 

"Say what now? Victor, stop kidding me, you are barely thirty," 

"Don’t say that aloud, " with the back of his hand Victor theatrically slapped his forehead, sighing heavily. 

Yuuri would have none of that now. He got up, "Come on, old man, let me make a snack for us," he said, holding out his hand to the disheveled omega. 

"Yuuri!" Victor huffed but let himself be pulled to his feet. He glanced back one last time and sighted before leaving his cozy nest. 

 

*****

The next morning Yuuri woke up early. Victor was still sound asleep. The hair tangled, the blanket slightly revealing fine pale skin underneath. Smooth and even, not compromised by marks or sweat. His breath was slow and serene, not ragged. The scent syrupy — almost luscious.

Victor’s smell had changed a bit lately, but Yuuri had never realized that it was that different. With Viktor lying here right next to him all calm and peaceful, without hard thought, Yuuri took in every nuance of this unique scent. The summery bouquet of daisies, and — something else. Yuuri couldn’t quite pinpoint. Since their bonding, everything seemed to be a bit different. His own body reacted to Victor in a way that felt all strange and still so right at the same time.

Even though Victor wasn’t in heat yet, Yuuri felt that irresistible attraction towards the omega. The want to feel his bare skin and take in that sweet scent, to inhale and savor it. Maybe that was the way a rut was supposed to feel after bonding, he thought.

Tenderly Yuuri pushed a few silver strands from Victor’s peaceful face. His skin was warm and soft. Silently Yuuri just watched him. He was captured by Victor’s beauty.

No matter how much time would pass, to him Victor would always be breathtaking; his personality fascinating, his smile enchanting. The smell the sleeping omega gave off was so enticing; it seemed to lure him.

Yuuri’s own heartbeat resounded in his ears, pounding fast. He almost forgot to breathe. God, he wanted him.

The rise and fall of Victor’s chest hypnotized Yuuri. Unconsciously his lips moved to the pale neck. Even before touching he could sense the pulsing underneath the skin, the rush of blood. Ever so slowly Yuuri started nuzzling, sucking and biting at the white skin, marring it. He wanted to leave marks all over, for everyone to see that it was him the omega belonged with.

“Oh...,” came a soft mutter. Slowly Victor seemed to wake up to Yuuri’s ministrations.

“Yuu-ri…Are you rutting? Am I in heat yet?” He slurred deeply sleep drunken. On its own accord, his body started moving and reacting to Yuuri’s touch, welcoming it like a cooling oasis in the desert. He felt hot and aroused, but surprisingly clear.

Pushing his head to the side, Victor gave Yuuri access to the most vulnerable part of his neck. The alpha kept on sucking marks into the fair skin, just underneath his chin. Victor’s face was blotchy by now, the breathing heavy. His hands tangled in Yuuri’s hair, guiding him to his most sensitive parts.

“I don’t know, god, I don’t care, let me…,” Yuuri whispered while his mouth savored Victor’s delicious skin. Steadily he let his arms slip around the omega’s taut back, pressing their bodies together. Victor’s body seemed to vibrate with lust. The pulse in his neck was racing, Yuuri could feel it on his lips. He bit down with more pressure but was careful not to break the skin.

“Yes,” Victor mewled. He arched his back, thrusting his hips into Yuuri’s. “God, yes,” he repeated breathlessly. Yuuri’s passionate demeanor made Victor shiver in excitement.

When Yuuri pressed him back into the mattress with confidence, spreading his legs open eagerly, Victor knew he was in for a wild ride. With steady hands his mate brushed the remaining bedding away, leaving him exposed and vulnerable, his length already hard and dripping.

Impatiently Yuuri took his own nightshirt off quickly. Full of want he pushed his bare chest into Victor’s, latching on his neck, turning the rosy spots he had left crimson. He kept on coaxing deep moans from his omega again and again.

“How do you want it?” Yuuri breathed into his ear, nuzzling the fine skin just underneath his earlobe. Waiting for Victor’s response, he let his lips wander to the crook of Victor’s neck, scraping his teeth across the tender flesh. His hot breath graced the sensitive bond mark, making the omega shudder. Where Victor’s scent was the strongest, Yuuri paused, enjoying the sweet flavor on his lips.

“Any way, every way…,” Victor finally answered, cheeks and neck red, his chest blotchy, the eyes closed tightly. More sweet whimpers were escaping his lips while Yuuri continued to lick his way further down. The tempting noises made Yuuri go crazy. They were the proof of how much Victor enjoyed it, enjoyed him.

A firestorm was raging inside Victor. Every touch left invisible burns. He had never experienced such desire; that sheer want of being held by his mate — wrapped up in his arms he finally felt safe and complete. When Yuuri started grinding into him, Victor spread his thighs further apart in need. He felt like a man possessed with Yuuri’s teeth on him, his warm hands fondling the broad chest, teasingly circling the pinkish areolae.

“Oh Yuu—ri, you monster,” Victor’s breath was ragged, his heart racing, the voice trembling with arousal. All of his upper body turned a delicious shade of deep red. Salty sweat was trickling down the flushed skin.

“…so hot, Victor. I wish you could see yourself. I want you so bad,” Yuuri said in a low voice before hesitantly brushing the hard nipples with his fingertips. He could feel Victor shivering under him as he pressed down, twisting them slightly. Yuuri kept teasing more and more moans out of his omega, but it wasn’t enough, it was never enough.

“Tell me, Victor, tell me,” Yuuri continued, running his tongue over Victor’s collarbone, nibbling and biting more of the soft flesh as he kept on bringing Victor closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuck me Yuuri, please fuck me.” Victor finally begged. His voice was rough and full of desperation.

“Oh yes, I want to,” Yuuri breathed before putting his mouth around one of the sensitive nipples, sucking on it hard.

“Oh god, Yuuri, oh god…” Victor’s words came out as a sob. He felt his whole body shake in pleasure. Yuuri seemed to feel it too cause now he started licking over the nipple more gently, slowly circling it with his tongue. He was careful not to place too much stimulation on the sensitive bud.

Meanwhile Yuuri’s hands wandered steadily downward, fingertips caressing the muscled torso, drifting over to the sharp hipbones. His fingers lingered on either side, caressing Victor’s hips attentively.

Goosebumps bloomed across Victor’s burning chest. Another moan escaped his lips. He was close.

“Shhh…be good Victor, I’ll give you your prize.” That said Yuuri’s lips and fingers left the heated flesh. He straightened himself looking down at his own prize. His eyes wandered, taking in every detail. The red marks he had left, the flushed chest, the sweat that trickled down Victor’s face. Wrecked, Yuuri thought. There was no better word to describe the sight before him. The satisfaction he felt for it was beyond words.

When Yuuri looked down on Victor, his arousal caught his attention. The pink cock was hard and leaking. Yuuri ran one of his fingers along the shaft, letting it glide from the tip to the root, pressing down slightly. Right underneath he could see slick glistening, slowly dripping from Victor’s hole. Deliberately he let his finger slide over the sensitive flesh, almost dipping inside.

“So warm and wet,” Yuuri commented with flushed cheeks, circling the entrance. Yuuri swallowed. Opening Victor up wouldn’t be difficult. With a bit of pressure, he could slip the first finger in easily. Victor threw his head back, mewling with every move. A second finger followed quickly and was rewarded by even deeper moaning.

“Stop teasing me,” Victor panted, his voice trembled with desire. He longed to be filled by Yuuri, to satisfy this inner craving. Now that he was too far gone just being close to his mate wasn’t enough anymore. The need to become one with him was overpowering. Just thinking about it made his heart skip a beat.

Yuuri watched Victor’s face closely as he worked him open, pumping his own hard cock while enjoying the sight. After a short moment, he withdrew his fingers leaning over his omega. With flushed cheeks and pouting eyes, Victor wound his hands around Yuuri’s neck, drawing him closer until their noses were almost touching.

“You damn tease,” Victor repeated softly before closing the distance between them, kissing Yuuri hungrily. His tongue slid over his mates lips, silently pleading to be let inside. Obviously, Victor tried to take control.

Willingly Yuuri seemed to give it to him, kissing back fervently. They held onto each other for dear life, exploring their mouths intensively. When Yuuri felt Victor’s legs slide around his waist to hold him in place, he made up his mind.

“Oh no,” Yuuri warned as he pushed himself up, leaving the greedy mouth with a sly smile on his lips. He grabbed onto the underside of Victor’s knees and pressed them hard against his chest, spreading them anew.

Victor was not supposed to be the master of this game, not this time around. While holding the omega down Yuuri let his cock slide along the curve of the round asscheeks his precum spreading over the tempting flesh. “So impatient,” he commented dryly before shoving his cock into Victor’s tight hole without any warning.

Victor yelped in surprise when he felt Yuuri length enter. Throwing his head back he closed his eyes, lips parted slightly. Intense sensation spread through his whole body. Yuuri’s cock was thick and hot inside of him, sending fireworks through his body with every thrust. 

“Fuck.”

“That’s the idea,” Yuuri panted while shoving his cock all the way in again. Around him, he could feel Victor’s racing heart. It took all of the self-control he had in him not to come right on the spot. 

When he changed his angle a bit, he felt Victor tighten around him. He knew he had found the special spot that made Victor see stars.

With brutal intensity he kept on pounding into him hard, aiming for that spot, coaxing more uncontrolled and lustful sounds out of his mate. Again and again, he hit home as he kept on fucking into him with sheer force.

Quickly Yuuri felt his orgasm approaching; it was intense and overwhelming, almost impossible to prolong any further.

“I’m about to come, let me knot you,” he moaned unthinkingly.

“Yes,” was all Victor was able to bring out while his whole body moved with Yuuri’s hard thrusts.

Anew Yuuri changed the angle, lifting Victor’s ass slightly off the mattress. He kept on fucking roughly into him, his knot growing more and more with every push. When it was finally too big to exit Victor’s tight hole, he just pressed into him hard, keeping his cock firmly in place.

Victor felt like he was about to faint from the pressure and heat inside his ass. The sensation of Yuuri’s knot was almost unbearable. They rarely knotted outside of his heat, feeling the stretch he remembered why — a bit painful, but also extremely pleasurable.

When the knot reached its limits, it pressed directly onto Victor’s sweet spot, making his rim clench around Yuuri almost painfully.

Yuuri knew he could not hold it in any longer. With all of his body weight he pressed even deeper into Victor in the attempt to make him come. Full of adrenaline he let his teeth sink into the bond mark on Victors neck, drawing blood. That was it. His own orgasm hit him like a sledgehammer. Everything whited out in an instant. 

Yuuri’s enticing smell, the pulsating knot in his body, the sharp teeth piercing through his skin, the hot seed filling him; everything came together and made Victor come so hard that he could feel tears in his eyes.

His head was empty at last when his vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might take a bit longer due to my thesis being a pain.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Let me know if you liked it :)


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